Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck your shine and your wisdom. Fuck your fit, slender body, your gentle hands. Fuck that itchy shivery feeling of being touched by you; because it happens once in a lifetime and I can't compare it to anything else. As if I were in a perfect silver shell that reflects all the colours, I was protected from being hurt, just for a moment. Just for a nanosecond, everything was as it should be, I was as I should be, I was, I existed. 

Fuck those sparkles in your hair. Fuck your thick eyelashes, fuck the darkness beneath them. Fuck traditional plum comparison, "your plumlike eyes", for I can't find any earthly colour that fits your eyes better. Fuck me being some fucking ethnologist, fuck raspberry jelly and egg white cream on my hands, my big workers' hands that don't dare touching your spine.

Fuck your talking in low voice, fuck your fragile yet manly mandibula, fuck your even teeth. Fuck you being so careless of your looks, fuck you being so persistent, so successful, so clever, so renaissance. Fuck your awareness and your political credo, fuck your statements, fuck you not being part the establishment, you being always right, you being so ambitious, so talented.

Fuck your precious time you're spending with precious people unlike me. Fuck you underlining, again and again and again, my self hatred. Fuck your life that has nothing to do with me. Fuck your rich and wise and important friends, fuck hurtful rumours, fuck your public and social networking persona, fuck you being a mutual friend, fuck people who know you for real; yes, fuck them and get fucked by them, fuck you making me so desperate, fuck you being so fucking unreachable, untouchable, incomprehensible. Fuck your anger and your impatience, fuck your mood swings, fuck your pessimism. Fuck your manners and your kindness, fuck you being so rude and impolite, fuck your ambivalence, fuck you being so aberrant.
Fuck you for being a narcissistic projection of my perfect self.

Fuck you,

I wish I had you,

I wish I were you. 

photo: Petrovo uho
by suncana

http://www.everystockphoto.com/photo.php?imageId=3709627